Chocolate Man

I found myself at Chocolate Man's house, again. I've been there before. He offered me a bar of chocolate that time, but he's since forgotten that incident in the store. I'm sitting on the bed with him and his wife. The bed seemed to be in the store, but then turned into their master bedroom. It felt a little funny, like it was going to get kinky, so I laid it on thick when I mentioned that I was gonna get outta there soon. My mother was going to call me any second anyway.

The bedspread had a silky lush sheen to it. The room was dim and everything had a burgundy or a deep reddish wine tone to it. It was like some kind of lair of pleasure, a den of sorts. Chocolate Man offered me a scrumdiddlyumptious (like in Willy Wonka). I was making a mess eating it. It wasn't at all like I imagined a scrumdiddlyumptious. I thought it would be a bit more gooey, possibly with some nuts on the inside. Instead it was like a dried up Coffeecrisp, which I've only found in Canada (they are what a Kit-Kat wished it could be).

The pieces were crumbling all over the place. All over the bed. I felt bad about this, but I couldn't help it. Chocolate Man got a bit pissed, but the bed had already been soiled with the delicate cocoa powder from the truffles he had been devouring earlier. He swept them off the bed and onto the floor.

We continued to eat luscious treats when suddenly some geometric grey, white, and black, 1/2 hamster, 1/2 rat pet of his emerged with a happy dilophosaur-like caw (you remember that crazy dinosaur in Jurassic Park that killed Denis, the fat programmer dude) from a little green triangular bag on the bed. It looked nothing like a hamster or a rat though. It looked a lot more like a Picasso influenced lemur and flying squirrel hybrid.



I wasn't afraid, but like disgusted by it. He had two toys, little balls that looked like Chinese health balls, but lighter. One was matte grey and the other was a metallic black. The creature carried one over to me and handed it to me. Then it started speaking Japanese. Not that I understood the Japanese, but I could identify that it was Japanese. Apparently, Chocolate Man had picked him up on his travels--sorta like Gizmo from Gremlins. The little "rathamster" pet was very affectionate and funny. I was grossed out and fascinated.

He had a puzzle box it fit into that you cranked a wheel to scramble the triangular pieces. Then the "rathamster" would have to shuffle and squirm through them to get out.

Meanwhile, Chocolate Man was getting ready to watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the new one. He said everyone always thought that he watched it all the time, but he said that it wasn't true and that he needed a batch of pot brownies to truly enjoy it.

Instead of Willy Wonka some really twisted sex tapes of Chocolate Man and his wife came on. They were all Nam June Paik (Global Groove) style. There were flashy disco colors and the face of the wife would morph into the face of Chocolate Man so he was fucking himself while the outline of their bodies turned fuchsia and became them in another position.



I wasn't really trying to watch. I mean besides having to keep a sharp eye on the questionable mutant pet, it seemed inappropriate, I didn't know Chocolate Man like that, and I wasn't interested in getting freak nasty with him and his wife. I mean she was hot, but I wasn't into him.

Then the weird pet came and sprawled out behind me, extending it's paws towards my limbs. The home video was starting to get racey and the "rathamster" suddenly started pricking me with its teeny tiny nails. They felt like little electric shocks on the end of an exacto knife. I screamed out, "OW! HIS NAILS!" Then the thing asked me in Korean, "His nails? What are nails?" It was English, but I understood it as Korean. As I tried to think of how I would explain and show the creature what nails are I drifted...